South Park 2: It's all over now Trailer
by halfhuman123
Summary: The whole darn thing! Kenny's on a quest, each boy has a secret, and you won't believe the ending! Twist, turns, and Cheesy Poofs around each corner! Rated T for language. FINISHED! R&R! P&TY!
1. Trailer for It

At times, we often question ourselves. Who are we, and where did we come from?

This summer...

THEY will find the key to unlock the answers to these questions.

Because I'm to lazy to answer them right now..

Stuart McCormick and Randy Marsh are seen in an Egyption Pyramid, looking at the hieroglyphics on the walls. "Stuart!" Randy calls, "Come look at this!" It's a picture, above an ancient coffin. But the picture is of...

"No... it can't be..."

Four boys

Kyle Brovlofski: A Jewish boy in a green hat walks up to his best friend, Stan, who is in tears. "I just... can't trust you anymore, Kyle." Kyle looked slightly upset. "But Stan... We're best friends, you have to trust me." Stan get's angry and starts to run off, saying, "I just CAN'T!" Kyle looks away, equally angry and upset.

Eric Cartman: Three boys are waiting at the bus stop,. and a fourth, a fat, brunette boy, comes running up to them, excited. "You guys, you guys, I am so seriousleh, guess what!" Eric's mother, Liane Cartman, sits him on her knee. Cartman was looking quite bothered."Eric, you know mommy loves you. Tell mommy."

Stan Marsh: "Dude," He said, typing on his computer, "If we don't do something soon, then we're all gonna die!" A small cute boy with black hair, he always looked out for everybody. But now, something was different, and he may be needed to save the whole world. "You guys, I don't know what to do..."

Kenny McCormick: An orange hooded figure walked into his house and opened up a secret door behind a poster. Next he is seen with his friends. "You guys, I haven't been completely honest with you. I'm not who you think I am." A girl his height stands in the shadows, pleading with him. "But Kenny... I do like you. A lot! I don't care who knows, or if I get hurt." Kenny holds her. "I'm sorry. But I do."

Three secrets

Eric Cartman is sitting with his mom in the living room, looking happy. "You found my father? But then... who is it?" Liane dropped her head. "We found her, and you have a big family now, hon." A shadowy figure comes out from behind a door, and Eric gasps. "No! Th-that's not possible! That means that--!"

Kyle stood up from his chair quickly in shock. "You're what?" Mrs. Brovlofski bowed her head. "I'm sorry Kyle, but I just don't think things are working out between me and your father. Don't tell him, now, I'm not exactly sure yet. Maybe... if things change..." "Then we'll be a family?" "Sure Kyle."

Kenny bowed his head before responding to his friends behind him in his room. "You guys... I'm not the person you think you know. And now, I have to tell you the truth. Before it's too late." The three other boys gasp after they hear the news. "No. It's not p-p-possible." Stan said, backing against the wall.

Two pairs of Best Friends

"I thought we were Best Friends Forever, Kenny. How could you not tell me?" Kenny rounded on Cartman, quite upset now. "Best Friends Forever When It Was Convinient For Eric, you mean!" Cartman looked at him. "I'm sorry if you feel that way." Kenny stared hard at him before turning around. "No. You're not."

Kyle looked across at Stan, who was standing across a deep hole from him. "Stan, trust me! You have to jump, you'll make it! Trust me!" Stan shook his head and looked fearfully into the hole, but looked up with a determined look in his eyes. "Okay. Don't let me down Kyle."

One great adventure!

"IT'S GONNA BLOW!"

"Kyle, you were right, I'm not worth it..."

"Stan! Don't!"

"You guys... this is it you guys. Seriousleh."

The adventure of a life time for four young boys. But for them, it's all a part of growing up in South Park.

SOUTH PARK: IT'S ALL OVER NOW  
Coming soon to a Fanfiction near you

Please, read and review! Thanks plenty!


	2. A Typical Day

A/N: Okay! After all of your begging and whining (and threats... ahem) Here it is. The South Park 2 Movie! Sorta. I don't own South Park. (But if I did... that'd be the coolest thing EVER!) And... well, enjoy. Keep those reviews coming! Okay, here we go!

----------------

Chapter One: A typical day

A voice in the shadows sighed and faced the blank window, dark with the inky black blackness of the nighty night sky. You get it. It was night time, okay?

"I can't believe it's come to this. It's not FAIR!" He said, banging his hand on the desk. His assistant appeared next to it, hoping to calm him down.

"There, there master. Don't you want a coke? Or a pepsi? Or a fanta? Or..." He glared at her. "Don't start. You know that annoys me. Effing coke and pepsi, they're the SAME THING why don't they just merge!"

She sighed and shrugged while he pulled out a magazine and put his feet up on his desk. "I dunno. Do you HAVE to read those in front of me?"

Dirty magazines.

"Well, who's the master?" "You are." "Glad you know it. Go get me a fanta, AAidAs."

His assistant was called Andromic Aide/Assistant, or AAidAs. Not very creative, but what do you expect.

He's only nine years old.

----------------------------------------

Place: South Park, Colorado  
Time: 0900 Saturday Morning  
Place (again): Bus stop

"Dammit, where is he?"

Three boys stood at a bus stop, waiting for their fourth friend, Kenny, to come back with matches so they could light cow crap on fire.

Stan Marsh, the boy with the blue coat, had his lighter. But it was busted. "Don't worry, Cartman, he'll be here."

Eric Cartman, the fat boy with a red coat, was growing impatient.

After all, he was fat.

And impatient.

And fat.

"Don't worry, fatass, he'll be here." The third boy, Kyle Brovlofski, wore an orange coat with green gloves. Cartman turned on him.

"DON'T CALL ME FAT, YOU FRIGGIN' JEW!"

"DON'T YOU OPPRESS ME FAT BOY!"

"Look, you guys, he's coming." a fourth boy, Kenny McCormick, came running up to them, wearing an orange parka that covered most of his face.

"(I got the matches, let's go!)" He said, his words coming out muffled. He didn't care, though. His friends could understand him.

Before they could set off, though, a big blue truck rolled up towards them.

"Hey kids, what's going on?" It was Randy Marsh, Stan's dad. In the passenger's side was Stuart McCormick, Kenny's dad.

"Nothing. What's with all the equipment, dad?" Stan pointed to some supplies in the back of the truck. Randy smiled. "Oh. Well, me and Kenny's dad are going on an expidition for a few days as part of a research study."

Stan nodded his head. "Okay."

Then, there was that akward pause.

Very akward.

"Well, boys, we'd better get going, we're really busy. Take care of the house Stan."

"Yeah, and you too, Kenny." Stuart said. They pulled off quickly down the street, the boys watching them go.

"Dude, I hope I'm not that lame when I grow up." The other boys nodded and headed to the pastures.

----------------------------------------

"How was your day today, Stan?" Sharon Marsh asked. He shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Just another regular day."

Yes. Just another regular day at South Park. For the boys, anyway.

"Okay, so there's three shovels, and a drill, and your equipment Randy." Stuart said, pulling the stuff out of the truck and taking a swig of his beer. Randy wasn't paying attention. He was too busy staring at the entrance to an odd cave.

"Hey, Stuart? What d'you say we go inside, huh? Just for a look." Stuart looked at the cave, then took another sip of his beer.

He loved beer.

"Well... we're supposed to be setting up this equipment so that you can clasify the safty of this place... but sure, what the hell." He said, shrugging and taking... yet another swig of beer.

He loved beer, and took another one out of the truck.

"Jesus, how many of those things have you had today?" Randy asked, as they went into the cave.

"This 'un'll only make eight. Hey, I'm fine, alright!" He said, belching and running into Randy's back.

"Ummm... right."

End of Chapter One. Please Review!


	3. Inside The Cave

A/N: I'm not even gonna wait for the reviews. Here's Chapter Two! Don't own South Park, blah, blah, blah. Don't you get tired of that? Can't we just assume that's what's gonna happen? No? Well... screw you guys...

Chapter two: Inside the Cave

Stuart and Randy walked through the cave, and it was a pretty straight shot, too.

There wasn't much to look at in the dingy old cave. Only a few stalagmites and stalactites, but other than that... nothing.

"Isn't this amazing? I mean, the stuff that we can learn about the past in this cave could change history. Isn't it...neat?"

"Wow. Yeah, this is pretty neat. Can we go now, I'm bored." Stuart said, taking a sip of his beer. "And I'm out of beer."

"But wait, you haven't even seen the best part. The roped off section." Stuart looked at the rope, pondering this situation. Randy pulled something out of his bag.

"Come on, where's your sense of adventure?" The thing turned out to be a hat.

But not just any hat, an Indiana Jones-like hat, brown with a band around it.

"What's up with the hat?" Stuart asked. he was starting to quickly sober up.

"What, you don't like my hat?"

"It looks sorta... gayass."

"Sharon said it made me look like Indiana Jones."

"Oh. Well that changes everything, Indiana Jones's cool."

But, on the inside, both were thinking. 'Wait. Indiana Jones IS gayass. Oh, well, maybe he won't notice..."

It was quiet for a while, but they trekked onward, past the roped off area, and past many different caves and caverns.

Then...

"Did you just fart?"

"No... Did you?"

"Um... no. But you smell it too, right?"

"Yeah. Come on, it's coming from this way." Randy said, pointing straight ahead.

"Wait. We're going towards the smell of the fart? Instead of away from it?" Stuart asked, slightly apprehensive.

"Yeah."

"...Alright, let's go."

The thing about wandering around in caves is, you never know what you might see in there. Be it treasure or bones or dead animals. Or live animals that are going to try to eat you.

This time, however, it wasn't really any of those things.

"Stuart... Do you see what I see?" Randy said, wide eyed and open mouthed.

"Yeah. This'll keep my family fed for ages!" In that room was a few small heaps of gold, and writing in heiroglyphics on the walls. In the middle was a small coffin, with the appearance that it belonged to a child.

"My god. This is astounding. Look at these heiroglyphics!" Stuart rounded on him. "What?" "The drawings on the walls." "Oh. Yeah. What's that about?"

Randy studied the drawings and, thanks to his high school Heiroglyphics club, was able to decode them.

"It's a story... about... the child in the coffin." Stuart was picking up handfuls of gold and looked up at Randy, dropping what was in his hands.

Though there was still some in his pockets.

"Really? Who was this kid? Some sort of prince or something?" "I think you should see for yourself."

On the wall, there was a drawing of the child. But...

"No. It... can't be. That's impossible." Stuart said, touching the picture.

"Are you sure? Anything's possible in this crazy mixed up world of ours. Anything."

Randy turned back to the wall and found the beginning of the story. "Here's a pen and some paper. Write this down as I say it. I...n...t...h..."

The writing took hours, as there was so much to translate, and Stuart kept complaining about how he didn't have beer.

Finally, it was finished, and they sat on the floor to quickly read it. But what they read wasn't simply a fairy tale.

In fact, it was totally non-fiction.

And it was about to change their lives, as well as the people they love.

And maybe even, change the world.

Or maybe just the town. I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

But it's gonna be big.


	4. Then Reality Sorta Hit Or Something

Chapter Three: Then Reality Sorta Hit... or Something...

Place: South Park Colorado Time: 1500 Monday afternoon Place (again): Cartman's house

"Come on, Cartman, just take your turn, it's not hard."

"Yeah, fatass, come on!"

"Hold on a second, you guys, this takes a lot of serious thinking... hmyah... Okaaaaay... got any... threes?"

"Go fish, fatass."

Just a normal Monday afternoon, playing go-fish, and not really up to anything else, since they didn't have any homework.

Mr--s. Mrs.Garrison was out for touch-up surgery.

But, back to those who matter.

"Ay! I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Stan."

"I don't have any three's, lardbutt."

"Goddammit! I HATE GO FISH!" Cartman said, drawing a card. Not liking the outcome, he swore again. "Goddamit!"

"Okay, my turn. Got any two's Cartman?"

"Ehm... no. Go fish, Jew! AHAHAHAAHAAAHAA!"

"Goddammit, Cartman, how do we know you're not cheating?"

"Do I ever cheat?"

"Yes!"

"... I hate you guys so much." He said, tossing him the two.

After a few minutes of increased boredom, Kenny stood up and stretched.

"(Well, I'm gonna go. This sucks, and I promised I'd meet my... uh... girlfriend.)" He said, putting his gloves back on.

"Geez, Kenny, you're still seeing that Kelly girl from that gayass choir?" Stan said, chuckling slightly. The rest of the boys joined in, too.

"(Uhm... yeah. Bye.)" He said quickly, rushing out the door. Stan stood up next. "I got to go too. My mom needs me for some stuff."

"Mine too. See ya, Cartman." Kyle added, walking with Stan out the door.

"Jesus Christ, all of my so-called friends just up and deserted me, Clyde Frog." Cartman said to his stuffed frog, sitting on the couch behind him.

"Yes, it would seem we are alone for the moment, we should have a tea party and talk about how cool you are."

Okay, that's not really what happened. Rewind.

"Jesus Christ, all of my so-called friends just up and deserted me, Clyde Frog." "Yes, we should get our mom to take us to the store, and buy us a skateboard." "That's a great idea, Artemis Clyde Frog! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammm!" He whined, going to find his mother.

When Stan got home, his mother had left a note for him. He read it... and re-read it... and dropped it on the floor, mouth agape.

Kyle walked into his house to find his parents arguing. They didn't see him as his dad walked out, and his mom stomped to her room.

Kenny walked down the street. Kelly had dumped him for another guy months ago. Whatever. He had someone now. But he couldn't tell the guys the truth. That would just be humiliating.

Or suicide. Or a combination of the two that would be some sort of... Humicide. That sounds like french potpourri. But anywhat...

Two weeks ago... ... ...

"Okay, children, and that's why we have the stupid government system we do now. Any questions?" The students of Mr.--- Mrs. Garrison's classroom simply stared at him.

"Okay then, well, since there are no questions, then you shouldn't have a problem with handing in a 2 page essay on the stupid government's president and how gay he and his wife are."

The bell rang, and the students ran out. Cartman, Kyle, and Stan were all going to Cartman's house to finish a rousing game of Monopoly.

Kenny was excluded, of course, for being poor.

'Stupid asshole Cartman...' He thought, amusing himself with a paper airplane.

But his luck isn't all that great, and he slipped and fell in the mud.

"(OOF! Aw... mom's gonna kill me.)" He mumbled, frustrated. His mom didn't like his stuff dirty, orange was a hard color to clean, she said.

"Are you okay?" He knew that voice. He looked up, and sure enough, it was who he thought. Wendy Testaburger, Stan's ex-girlfriend.

"(Well, yeah, I'll be okay.)" He said, trying to wipe the stuff off, but not making much progress.

"You can come to my house, and wash it there if you'd like." She said kindly. Kenny nodded and followed her inside.

"(Actually, if you have some vinigar, baking soda, lemon juice and a blow dryer, I could clean it quicker.)" He said, struggling to get his coat off.

Wendy nodded and got the items out, setting them on the kitchen table. She looked around for the orange coat with eyes that was usually there, but...

She gasped. He looked different without his hood up. She knew he had a face and stuff, but she'd never seen it before... or his hair... he looked like a rock star, his blonde hair messy, but in a cool way.

"Thanks. Okay, we take this, and mix it with this..." He said, geting started right away. Wendy simply stared. "How do you know all this stuff?"

Kenny didn't look up, but simply went to work. "I actually am pretty smart, I just usually don't care." He said shortly. Wendy agreed, and instantly went off on a tangent about how tiny the town was.

When she had been talking for five minutes and Kenny still hadn't said anything, she stopped and grew irritated.

"But Bebe said she'd rather be here and... Are you even listening?" She asked. Kenny stopped what he was doing and looked over to her.

"You're all upset because Bebe says she'd rather live here than a big city area, and you think that the big cities have more to offer. However, by the sound of your voice, you think that cities are also really scary places, and my not be exactly what you want." He scratched his head and continued mixing the ingrediants, while Wendy watched in wonder.

Say that five times fast.

Or not, you may hurt yourself.

"I'm sorry. I... uhm... are you done?" She asked politely. He pulled out the blowdryer and waving it quickly over the jacket.

"Yeah, I'm finished." He said, pulling the hood on over his head. "(Thanks, Wendy. You're a bit nicer than what the guys usually say.)" He said, chuckling.

Wendy led him out. "Um... Kenny?" She got butterflies when she said his name, but why?

"(what?)" "Um... do you think that sometimes... you could visit, or I could come over, and just talk? I mean, Bebe doesn't listen like you..." He stared, but waved and walked out.

------------------------------

Since then, Kenny's been, well, for lack of better words, seeing Wendy. He didn't quite know how to break it to the guys. Especially Stan. He saw how he freaked out when Wendy was just paired up with Kyle.

This was gonna kill both of them eventually. He knew it.

He sighed and walked up her sidewalk, greeted by the smell of that banana pudding stuff her mom made, with the Nilla Wafers in them.

He kinda liked Nilla wafers.

And so he and Wendy would talk, and eat pudding with Nilla Wafers, and get along pretty well.

And he wouldn't wear his parka, either.


	5. The Shockers

Chapter Four: The Shockers... Or not, you may be expecting this...

Stan stood in the middle of the living room, his face blankly staring into the TV.

How could his mom do this to him? How could she not know? It'd only be a matter of time before something really aweful happened... What would happen now? He couldn't bear to think about it.

So he just sat and watched Terrance and Phillip.

Meanwhile, back at the Cartman Residence...

Stupid announcer guy from Superfriends... Get outta here!

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamm! MOM! Goddammit, where is she, Clyde Frog?"

Silence. Then...

"You're right Clyde Frog. But when'd she--"

"Poopikins? Eric, mommy's right here, sweety." She emerged from the kitchen looking... well, wierd. Not the usual look of , erm, "work", but a different... well, enough for little Eric to notice.

"Mom, are you okay? You look kinda trippy." Liane Cartman shook her head. "I'm fine, sweety, just tell mommy what you want..."

"Kay. Mooooom? Can I get a new skateboard? My stupid friends made me do this one thing, and it broke my other one."

cough Not true cough

"Well... um... maybe in a minute. But there's something that mommy has to tell you first. Um... sit down, Eric." Her voice was getting high-pitched and nervous, but Eric sat down anyway and watched her.

"Well, um... You know how Mommy turned out to be your dad?" Eric sighed. "Mom, I thought we would never, ever talk about that ever again? Remember? And then we went for ice cream to help me forget all about it? I may just need another ice cream nyah..."

Liane stopped him, as in, put her hand out to stop him, and sat him back down. "Honey, this is important." He looked at her face and started to get worried. "Mom, you're scaring me. What the hell is going on?"

"You see, sweety, while mommy's still your mom... I'm still your daddy, and that means we still had to find your mommy... Do you understand?" Eric shook his head. "No!"

"Maybe I can help explain this, Liane." A voice emerged from the kitchen, and out walked...

"Stan's mom? What's she doing here."

"Well, you see Eric, your mom is a... well, she has boy things inside her that girls usually don't have. So she couldn't have you. She's your father." Eric nodded. "Yeah, she's a Hermaphrodite. But what's that got to do with--"

"Darnit Eric, please! This is hard enough on us already, we have to figure out what to do!" Cartman shook his head. "Wait, I still don't get what this has to do with... Waitaminute..."

It took a minute to dawn on him, but eventually, he got it.

"Bu-but... that would mean that... you're my mom?!?" Sharon nodded. "Yes, dear, I am. And we were wondering how to tell you, but--"

"How to tell me? You don't tell me, that's how! I was fine not knowing, but now... My fragile little mind can't handle all of this!" He said, looking at his... his... Liane.

"Well, poopikins, how about that skateboard now?" Eric just stared at her. "This can't be happening! This just can't be happening! Does Stan know?" Sharon nodded. "I wrote him a note before I left."

"This is such bull-crap."

-------------------------------------------

Kyle was sitting at home, watching his father pack his things in a suitcase. "Dad? Does this mean you and mom are divorced?" Gerald laughed. "Well, no, Kyle. It just means that your mom's a total bitch, and I don't want to stay here anymore. But it's not your fault, Kyle." Kyle just stared.

"Gerald! What are you telling him? You better not be telling my son anything completely wrong!"

"Your son? My genes are in him too, Sheila, so he's my son too!"

After that, Kyle got fed up and left. Ike stared at him from the hallway, babbling incoherantly.

"It'll be okay, Ike. Just watch. It'll be just like last time, where they say they'll break up, and they really don't."

But at that moment, Gerald stomped downstairs, yelling something about heffers and tiny shoes, and something else about a horn, but Kyle couldn't quite make it out. All he knew was that his dad was leaving, and that this was probably the worst day of his life.

He could only hope that his other friends had worse days than that.

At least it's kinda true. I mean, for Stan and Cartman. They had a pretty bad day. Cartman found out who his mom is, when he didn't really want to know, and Stan got slammed with a chair by his sister for the fourth time that month.

All in all, quite productive, don't you think?

Oh, and if your wondering whatever happened to Stuart and Randy... well, you're just an inquisitive little bastard aren't you? We'll get to them, hold onto your panties.


	6. Moving Along Swimingly, If I Could Swim

Chapter Five: Moving Along Swimmingly. If I Could Swim.

Randy and Stuart spent 6 hours in that dark dank cave, living off of rats, and stalactite goo. Which is kinda nasty, but what other choice did they have? They were waaaay too lazy to walk back to camp.

"...d...e...l...t...a...Uh...That's the end. We're done! We've finally finished it! Stuart, did you get it all down?" Stuart nodded. "Whull yeah, what else would I be doing this whole time?"

Randy studied the notes, and read and re-read it, which only took him a half an hour, and stared at the notes, refusing to believe it.

"This can't be all... Are you sure you got the notes down just the way I told you?" Stuart nodded, and read the notes himself. "Woah, wait... I see what you mean. There's no ending to this story, or any beer to make it funnier. I want my money back!"

He loved beer.

Randy sighed. "There is no other money. This gold is cursed. We walk out with any, and we stick to the floor." Stuart nodded, scanning the notes. "oh, yeah, yeap, I see that." He thought for a while.

"So, basically, the story is..." "The story is about him making all this money for his family by working with the devil, and then making a deal with him to get him the secret of eternal life, if the devil would spare his town from damnation. He was granted all the time in the universe to find it... up until... three days from yesturday." "So two days?" "Yeah."

"Shit. Well, I need a beer, and he needs to hurry. We'd better go tell him to get a move on."

Because, as you may not know, he loved beer.

"I already know."

A voice said from the shadows of the cave. "Well, you found my secret clubhouse, huh? I guess it's not a secret anymore. It's not all fun and games though. It's a lot of hard work just to keep from causing this place to collapse." The voice seemed to come out of the walls.

"Well, I have two more days to find that damn secret of eternal life, or else the whole world will fall to damnation and eternal hellfire, yadda yadda yadda." Stuart stepped forward. "So you don't have it yet?"

"Yeah, I have it, it's buried in my ass, you wanna see?" The voice retaliated, farting shortly afterwards. "Well, no I don't have it. But your sons will help me find it. No worries."

"Wait... our sons? But then... aren't you..."

"Well, yeah, it's me, but for all the cool dramatic purposes I had to say that last part, or else I would have to do an apostrophe, and that just takes up too much of my time." He said. A small figure approached them from the shadows, hands clasped in almost a menacing way.

"Woah. So it was you, then?" "Was, is, am, were, being, been, be. Yeah, it's aaaalll me." Kenny said, staring at the hieroglyphics.

Did you not catch that part? It's Kenny. Kenny's the mysterious voice, and the evil one in the story, kinda. Okay, let's keep going.

"But now... Dr. Marsh, I will need your help. You can go." He waved a hand towards Stuart, but he didn't budge. The first time, anyway, after that, he kinda fell down this really big hole, which made him kinda move. "But what about my be-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrr!!"

He loved beer.

"Wh-what do you want from me?" Randy asked cautiously. "I just need to know where the entrance to the Hall of Eternal Things is. Is it right off of Tuskeegee BLVD, or left?" Randy blinked, then pointed. "It's after Tuskeegee, towards Main. Once you're off Main, you head towards I-23. And then after that it's pretty much straight until you get to I-81, where you have to go past some corn and country town, and then... you know what, why don't I just drive you?"

"You know, that would be easiest, I was going to ask you for a ride before, but... you know."

They started the walk out, Kenny entertaining Randy's questions.

"So... Where does that thing in the floor lead?" "Our backyard"  
"What's with the sarccofugus?" "I added it. It just looks cool"  
"How'd you find out all this stuff?" "I was there. I searched. This whole expedition thing was a ruse to get you here"  
"Well, why didn't you just ask?" "This was a lot more fun"  
"Oh. Well next time, you should really ask, Ken." ". . "  
"Um... Sorry, nevermind." "That's what I thought." He said, pulling up his parka.

"(We gotta get my maps and stuff and then we can just go.)" "Well, I'm not leaving without Stan, and he won't leave without Kyle, and Eric will come because he won't want to miss an oppertunity to tease Kyle about something, so don't you think we should--" "(FINE! Jesus Christ, what'd'you do, memorize this just in case? Lemme out here, and then get the others. We leave in half an hour.)"

----------------------------------------------------------

"And that's why I had to tell you. I don't know how long we're gonna be gone--"(2) k

"--But I'm gonna miss you."(3) c

"Can't I come?"(4) st

"I'm sorry, but if I let you do that--"(2) k

"--You might get hurt, and I don't want that, and--"(1) ky

"--Besides, you need to take care of mom here." (3) c

"Well, be safe, and--"(4) st

"--Have fun, and don't forget to--"(1) ky

"--Wipe after making bears. Oh, and also--"(3) c

"--Write down everything you see, so when I read it, it's like I'm there too." (2) k

"Okay. Bye then." Kyle said to Ike, after telling him his goodbye.  
"I'll be back... (soon.)" Kenny said, after saying goodbye to Wendy.  
"Goodbye... It's best we part this way." Eric said, after parting with... Artimis Clyde Frog. Oh, and Liane.  
"See ya." Stan said, after leaving with his father. His mother wiped her eyes.

And so, the four friends, and Mr.Marsh set off on their adventure. But not before Kenny tells his friends what's going on first.

"Yeah, Kenny, what the hell is going on? Where are we going?" Stan asked, after looking into the camera. Camera left... your left... Thaaaat's it.

Everyone stared at him, as they awaited the truth, and the final chapters of this epic tale.

"Way to make it sound fruity as hell, dude." It's not my fault you know. It's not like I make rough drafts of these things. I just write it. "Whatever, dude. All I know is I better turn out looking good in this one. The last one I did had me looking really fat."

"That's because you are fat, fatass." "Screw you!"

Indeed.


	7. What The Hell Is Going On?

Chapter Six: What The Hell Is Going On? 

Kenny looked about his friends, his eyes darting back and forth between them. He sighed and told them the story... pretty much.

"(Well, a reeaaaaal long time ago, I was working for Satan, and the town had a whole lot of money, and everything was cool, until he got all PMS-y, and started to throw a fit cuz his boyfriend left him, and then he promised apocolypse, but I said that I would find him the secret to eternal life if he didn't, and he said okay, and I only had until... two days from now, and if I didn't then he would kill us all, and now I have to go and find it because I was stupid before and didn't even try to find it then, so I have to find it now... and that's pretty much it.)"

No one said anything for a while, and then...

"Kay. So why are we here?" Cartman asked. "(Because Stan's dad said so.)" "Oh. Well, what is the secret to eternal life?" Kenny shrugged. "(I dunno, that's why I have to find it.)" He pulled out a map and traced a line with his finger.

"(We're right here, in Colorado. We need to get here, to New Mexico.)" At this, Kyle shuddered. "Aww, that butthole state? That's not even really a state, it's an immigrant camp." Kyle said. Everyone just stared, but quickly got back to Kenny's map.

"(It'll take us about 3 hours to get there at the rate we're going... Not counting snack and bathroom breaks... so that puts us at... 6 hours.)" Cartman sat back down.

"Let the fun begin."

"Goddammit, I'm bored!!" "It's only been 2 minutes, just shut up, lardbutt!" "You can't talk to me that way! I'm older!" "So, what does that have to do with anythi--" Kyle was cut off by Stan, who just bowed his head. "Nevermind, dude."

Cartman, being the sadistic, and sick and twisted little... anal sphincter that he is seized his chance.

"So, you mean, you haven't told your best friend, Kyle? Stan?" Cartman asked, sounding sickeningly sincere.

"Look, Cartman, just back off, okay? This sucks enough."

"But you must be... curious, Kyle..." Cartman said, eager to start something on this trip to make it interesting.

"Wha--what's he talking about, Stan?"

"You don't want to know."

"Oh, but I think he does, Stan."

"SHUT UP, FATASS!!" Stan and Kyle yelled together. Kyle looked at him. "Dude, you don't have to tell me, but I'd think that after all the crap we've done together, you'd at least tell me."

Stan sat still for a while, contumplating this, while cartman watched anxiously.

"All right. You remember how we went to find out who Cartman's dad is, and it turned out his mom was a hermaphrodite?" Kyle nodded, and chuckled. "Heheyeah."

"Well... my mom found out who his real mom is." He said, pulling at the strings hanging from the seat."

"Dude, it's my mom. We're... related." Stan finished lamely. He looked right back up at Kyle and yelled. "But you can't tell my dad, okay? He'll freak if he found out."

Kyle nodded. "Okay, okay. But dude... that means you're pretty much brothers... half-brothers I think..."

"Oh, yes, and what fun we shall have together, right brother?" Cartman said sardonically. Stan simply groaned.

Kenny turned towards them, messing with the map in the backseat the whole time. "(What was that about?)" Kyle looked at him, then at Stan, who shook his head. "You don't want to know.

Three hours into the trip...

Buzz...Buzz...Buzz...Buzz...

It was almost 9 o'clock. No one was awake. Except Kenny, because his cell phone had just started vibrating. Actually, he was borrowing it.

"(What the fu... Oh... Hmm...)" He mumbled, then pressed a few buttons on it and went back to sleep.

Buzz...Buzz...Buzz...Buzz...BUZZZZZZZ!

"(Goddamn it! Wop... Huh... Uh...)" He pushed a few more buttons, and then went to try to sleep again.

Buuuuzz...Buuuuuuuuuuzzz...Buuu--

"(Son of a... Aghh... Just doesn't get it, huh...?)"

"Who doesn't get what, Kenny?" Kenny jumped, but turned to see Stan staring at his phone. "Hey, where'd you get that?" Kenny shrugged then explained.

"(My...uncle... wanted me to call him. Yeah, that's it. Umm... He's not poor.)" Kenny said. Stan nodded. "Oh."

Kenny turned the other way and started hitting buttons again.

Wendy: ken? u awake?  
Kenny: yeah. wat do u want?  
Wendy: i miss u.  
Kenny: i shouldnt b talkin, stan's right here.  
Wendy: oh. ok.  
Kenny: we're 1/2 there.  
Wendy: seen anythin intrstng?  
Kenny: other than crtmns ass? no.  
Wendy: LoL.  
kenny: i miss u 2.  
Kenny: hello?  
Wendy: sorry. umm... really?  
Kenny: yeah.  
Wendy: oh. )  
Kenny: youre so wierd.  
Wendy: oh.  
Kenny: dont get ofnded, wndy. look, its late, i g2g.  
Wendy: wen u get bak, can we go out 4 real?  
Wendy: sorry. nvm.  
Kenny: may-b. bye.  
Wendy?? ken?  
Wendy: kenny?

Wendy shut off her other cell phone, slightly confused. He said maybe. He'd risk his friendship with Stan like that? Why? Did he really like her? Did she even like him?

Well, yeah! They were great together, and they always liked talking to each other. But...

'Wait... there was that one time, when he tried to hold my hand, and I sort of panicked, but...'

'And that one time, I drank out of his soda can, and blushed cuz that was an indirect kiss...'

'And that other time when we were dancing together, and I got tired after five minutes...'

'And... and...' Wendy stopped mid-thought, laying back on her bed, to look up at her ceiling, and she was smiling. "I do really like him. I really do."

That morning...

"Whaaaaaaa-aaa-aaaah..." Stan, Kyle, and Eric stretched in the bright sunligth, blinking in all of it's glory.

"Woah, dude!" Kyle said, looking out of his window. They had been traveling all night apperantly, and had gotten to... somewhere.

"You said it. Where the hell are we?" Stan said, trying to get a better look.

"(You guys, welcome to New Mexico, parking lot to the Hall of Eternal Things!)" Kenny mumbled Yelled, but it sounded like he mumbled it. He had gotten out of the car to stretch a few minutes earlier.

"Killer." Cartman said, slightly uninterested. Okay, pretty much all uninterested.

It is now that I'd like to take the chance to thank all of you, my readers, for waiting soo freakin long for me to get to this one point, which in South Park time would be like, 2 days (leaving Kenny only 1 more day to find the Secret to Eternal Life), and in real time, it'd be about... 15 minutes... now. So thank you. Because there have been alot of breaks and pauses. I mean, right now, I've been working without a freakin bathroom break, and it's 2 am in the morning.

Of course, this is like, the end of the first month since I started, buuuuuut...!

Hehe. Sorry. Okay, end of the chapter. See you next time!


	8. OH MY GOD, KENNY'S GONNA KILL US!

Chapter Seven: OH MY GOD! KENNY'S GONNA KILL US!

They had finally arrived at the Hall of Eternal Things. They had actually arrived the night previous, but no one was going to wake up at 12 midnight. They're kids, after all. However, Kenny was the first one to wake up, so he woke the others up, told them to get cleaned up, and get ready to discuss the plan over breakfast... at Benny's.

"Okay, so how are we gonna find this secret thing that we don't know what it is?" Kyle asked, after looking at his menu.

"It's probably gonna be hidden, like treasure. I mean, even in this hall of great stuff..." Stan started, but looked over to Kenny, who was messing with the cell phone again. "Kenny? KENNY!"

"(Huh? Oh... uh... yeah, hang on.)" He said, dialing some more numbers, and then pushing it far into his pocket.

"Geez, Kenny, who would call YOU this damn much?" Cartman said. He had finally looked up from the coloring book he was actually getting into.

Those things are addicting, you know.

"(My Uncle... Lem..but..en...dee... Lembuddie. Yeah, Uncle Lembuddie. He wants to know when I get there to tell him. And I have to keep him updated.)" Kyle looked over at him, but waited until Kenny was finished to say what he had to say.

"I think that... I think... Ugh, Kenny, can I talk to you?" He asked, pulling the hooded boy away from the tables and towards the bathrooms.

"Look, you've gotta tell him. He'll find out eventually." Kyle was too smart for his own good sometimes. "Yeah, maybe." Kenny had lowered his hood, and ran a swift hand through the messy, unkempt mess. "But maybe he doesn't need to know. There are things that he 'knows' I don't know, that he doesn't want me to know. That thing with his mom?" Kyle blinked, and thought back.

"That's right... he didn't want you to know... but... you DO know, don't you?" Kenny nodded, a secret smirk playing his lips. "I overheard you talking about it on the way back from that rest stop where Cartman got us all kicked out of the gas station." He pulled out the cell and typed some more, Kyle careful to look away.

"It's alright, you know. Nothing important. Just what I'm doing, where I'm going... She's just curious about this, that's all. I couldn't invite her, of course." He pulled up his hood. "(That would be obvious. Are we done here?)" Kyle nodded, then they both headed to the table.

Breakfast was a quick affair, everyone anxious to finish eating so they could get inside of the Hall. All, that is, except for Chartman, who ordered whatever he felt like, however MUCH he felt like.

"Come ON Fatass! I wanna see what the secret to eternal life is." Stan said angrily. Kyle nodded, and Kenny just sighed, drumming his fingers on the table. Cartman growled and grabbed the rest of his cheesy poofs. "Fine, you guys. But seriousleh, it's gonna be hella stupid."

The four of them beat the trail to the Hall of Eternal Things, and finally made it inside.

It was big. Dirty, dusty, and rat covered discribes most of it, not to mention the fact that the security guard was dead.

"Well... this looks... promising. Kenny, how could a hall of eternal things be so run down?" Kyle asked. Kenny shrugged, but lead the way to a hidden door.

Suddenly, the door slammed shut, locking the four boys inside a huge room, trapped, in what looked like a giant hell zone.

"Fantastical." Cartman sighed. "Another crappy ass adventure with you guys."

"This is gonna be one long ass day." Kyle said, a hand to his forehead.

"(Come on, you guys! This journey might take us a while!)" Kenny said, leading the way.

"Oh, my God. Kenny's gonna kill us." Stan muttered. Kyle nodded. "Bastard."


	9. The Final Chapter!

Chapter Eight: The Final Chapter, Which I am doing at midnight. . . . . .Now. Ish. Yes, now! 

The boys had been walking for hours. It seemed to get hotter and hotter, and the more they walked, the more delusional they became.

"Hey, guys! Wanna hear a song? I will do my German dance for you, it's fun and gay and tra-la-laaa!" Cartman began, but Stan cut him off.

"Look, fatass. This is getting stupid. Either you shut up, or just lay down so you can die now."

"Eheh...You can't talk to me like that!"

"Oh my God, would you just give it a break? Just because he's your brother doesn't mean--- Wait... Stan..." Kyle looked over at his best friend. "I can't believe you just said that. Dude." Stan hung his head and walked past him. "You said you wouldn't say anything."

An akward silence followed that, penatrated slightly with taunts and chuckles from Cartman.

After a while, they came to a giant stone door, with the words "Eternal Life--See Inside" carved on the front.

"I guess this is it. Are you ready, guys?" Kenny said, removing his hood from the heat. The others nodded weakly.

But...

Yeah, something else has to happen. Or else this wouldn't be a good story. It's starting to suck anyways, but who can stop that? Nobody, that's who.

A loud growl emitted from the Earth's core, enough to shake them where they stood.

"Kenny McCormick! You have been given several lifetimes to find the Secret to Eternal Life! You have yet to present it to me, and now you shall PAY!!"

Satan rose from the depths of Hell like a giant, big, gay, red guy. Kenny simply chuckled.

"Satan, please, just... look, we're right here, I just need to open the door, and poof! You got your secret!"

Satan looked about him. "Well... alright, but hurry, I got a manicure at seven, that's why I came early." Kenny nodded, then pushed the door open.

The boys and devil gasped at the scene inside.

Rolling Video 0921-867-5309-0210

WELCOME! If you are wathcing this, it means you have found the Hall of Etertnal Things room 'Eternal Life'! Congratulations. We at the Hall know how important Eternal Things are to you as either greedy humans, or unearthly powerful demons. We respect you patronage and thank you for choosing the Hall for all of your Eternal needs! Because, after all, nothing says it like Eternal.

By now, you have traveled over 20 miles to find the secret to Eternal life. (Satan: Yes...YES...) And we at the Hall do not dissapoint our customers. The Hall recognizes and serves all creeds, nationalitys, and ways of life, and do not discriminate due to religion, gender, race,--

Satan: This could take forever, and I can't wait that long.  
Kyle: How long does it take to say 'Here's the secret, have fun, leave.'?  
Kenny: Apperantly, a long time.  
Cartman: I am a little dancing boy, I'm fun and gay and tra-la-laaa...

--Or any other factor that may differentiate you from a normal white human Christian Republican male. (FYI, I am none of the above. I MEAN IT!! Cept for Christian.)

Now, if you would kindly step back, and select one member of your party to be sacrificed for the secret.

They all looked around, then flicked their heads towards Kenny. "Oh, no. I did it once already. One of you go!" They all shook their heads.

"Come on Kenny, you don't even have that much to live for!" Stan said, shoving the reluctant blonde forward.

"Guess again, Stan!" A whirlwind of black hair separated him from Kenny, as Wendy Testaburger came in, riding a small moped.

"Aww... dude! Wendy, what are you doing here?" Stan wasn't as upset as he was amused. He thought Wendy had come more for him than anyone else.

"I'm saving my boyfriend!" She said. Stan chuckled. "Well, that's nice, but you broke up with me, remember?"

Wendy frowned. "Stan, you are sooo vain! I wasn't even talking about you! I was talking about my boyfriend, Kenny."

Silence. Killer silence. Silence like... Well, it doesn't matter, it was just really, REALLY quiet.

"What? Kenny, this can't be true." His voice began to crack. Just then, the door began to close.

I'm sorry, but the automated door release switch has been activated. You now have 25 seconds to choose the sacrifice, or the secret shall self destruct.

"Wendy! How could you"  
"I'm not even sorry"  
"But... you didn't even say anything to me about it"  
"You didn't want to be friends, why should I talk to you about it"  
"German boy, bergen doy"  
"The... the secret... Kenny, get the secret"  
"Stan... Wendy, would you--Stan, don't! Wendy, jus--Stan!"

So many voices, all at once.

So... I die again. Big woop. I'll just come back next week. Hey, yeah! I hope I can still do that...

CRUNCH!

The talking stopped as they looked at the door.

Thank you! Your sacrifice has been accepted. Please, enter!

Kenny lay, bloodied and broken, next to the door. The next second, his body vanished.

Everyone looked to Wendy for some sort of tears, but she simply shrugged. "Eh. He'll be back next week."

The four kids and one devil made their way to the center of the room. The secret was on the table.

"Finally. The secret to eternal life! Bwahahaha! Wait... this is... Hey..." On the table lay the secret to Eternal life.

Stuart landed safely in his own back yard. "Woah... what happened? I must have been drinking beer. I think it's about time for another one. Oh... woah... Yeah, definately need another beer.

Because, just so you know, he loves beer.

Oh, yeah, the secret. Right.

There it lay, on the table. A bag, and a bottle, at which Cartman was elated.

"Cheesy poofs and beer? That's the secret to eternal life? Just eating cheesy poofs and beer?" Satan took them, and frowned. "Aww... these are gonna go straight to my thighs." He said, disappearing.

Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Wendy looked at each other.

"Well... that was pretty screwed up right there." Stan said. Kyle nodded.

"Yeah, but I learned something today. You see, it's not about living forever, or just for a second." They looked back at Kenny, who was being torn apart by four rats. "It's what you do with the time that's special."

Wendy smiled. "Gee, I never thought of it that way. That's really smart, Kyle."

"You got over Kenny quick, Wendy. I thought he'd be back next week."  
"Yeah, but till then, I have to occupy my time somehow!"  
"You are such a slut, Wendy!"  
"Up yours, Stan!"  
"Stan, jus---Wendy, you shouldn--Aw... dammit."  
"Fiddleieh-Fiddleieh-EH!!"

THE END!

Hehe. The end was kinda pieced together, and it didn't match the trailer, but I was tired of this story and wanted to start my other one. Okie-dokies, so, read, and review, and I'll catch ya next time!! Huzzah!


End file.
